Perfection
by Kiyohime
Summary: [ShizNat completed and slightly edited] Natsuki contemplates her feelings towards Shizuru while our exkaichou battles regret on the inside. Will it be too late for Natsuki to confess?
1. Perfection

_It takes place after the graduation. From Natsuki's POV though. I know you all probably have read a story like this often but I just had to get this off my mind and on a word document.. it has been nagging at me lately, heh. I need a break from working on my next chapter to my first story though. But anyway. Hope you all enjoy this one!  
_

_ Also, Chapter one of my other story, "Fallen Angel: Prologue" .. I'm sorry to say, but it will take longer than expected to be completed. I'm still stuck on it and it still needs a lot of work.  
_

_Replies to those who reviewed my first story, "Fallen Angel: Prologue"  
**DarkElena:** You're right. I didnt notice that till then.. thank you for pointing out my mistake! I shall fix that as soon I'm done with my next chapter._

_**HimeISM:** Yes, I have read your Nina/Arika fic.. I loved it. It was cute. I hope to see more from you soon! _

_**Kimiko Li:** Thank you. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it._

**Perfection**

A few people think they're too perfect for anyone or anything, while most say perfection does not exist. In humanity, at least.

I thought differently. After surviving that night I went off the cliff with my mother and having my soul broken into thousands of pieces along with my dying heart, I loathed people who thought they were perfect. I even hated the word itself.

I hated it… because my life wasn't perfect. I lost my mother, father, my dog Duran and not to forget to mention, my dignity. Everything. I didn't have any friends, but then again that was only because I distanced myself from most people and the relationship, friendship, itself. I was afraid of rejection. Afraid of losing a loved one again.

I put my walls up. Walls of ice that symbolized despair and hatred. Behind it, my soul laid within it's cold and hollow core, crying to be loved. My heart wouldn't allow it. If it could bleed out the pain it held, it would have been drained of its blood completely by now. My heart was the opposite, it begged to be put out of its misery. My eyes would not leak out tears anymore. They were tired and dry.

Behind my barriers, I watched everyone else in disgust. Even the couples at school, exchanging terms of endearment and sweet kisses, it made me sick. I wanted to puke. I wanted to scream and run away every time I saw the happy couples. But I didn't. I just stood by and stared coldly, in hopes it'd scare them away within one glance. Even though the happiness around me made bile churn in my stomach… in my thoughts, an opinion echoed, if one was truly, completely head over heels in love with another person, he or she would see that another person is perfect in their eyes. That was the only way perfection worked among humanity and only way that it's true nature could be comprehended. The only best way to show that he or she is truly in love.

Ever since I lost my mother, I made a vow to myself that I'd banish myself from friendship and love. I thought I'd be able to go on through life like this… but I thought wrong. I found that out on the very day I met _her_.

That day, I remember it well…

_--Flashback--_

_I stood at the far end of this garden. It belonged to the Director of Fuka Academy, I assumed. All the flowers shone brightly under the blinding rays of the sun. Thoughts of hatred and destruction remained in my mind, refusing to budge an inch to the sight of the pink daisies. They blended in well with a large variety of different flowers surrounding a small stone shelter in the middle. _

_As I wandered to the pink daises, my eyes fixated on them… my only wish by then was to tear the petals off and crush the flower in my palm. My cobalt blue hair flowed up gracefully, due to the light breeze passing by and hitting my face gently. Merely few inches away from the daises, my emerald eyes stared at them hard. Hard enough that if it were possible, laser beams would come out and burn it instantly. Oh how I wished that was possible. Of course, the only way I could destroy it was by using my hand. Reaching down to grab it in my palm. The second the flower's silky velvet petals brushed against my palm, the soft side of my soul fled to the nearest escape it could find, only to be detained by it's prison, hatred. _

_Suddenly, memories of my mother flooded my mind… her smiling face. I'd remember how she used to love to do gardening in her spare time. Then that horrid flashback of the night we flew off the cliff somehow slithered it's way into my memories, filling my soul with anger once again. Gritting my teeth, I then started to close my palm on the flower._

_That was when I heard it. That voice. It's graceful tones laced with a heavy accent. It sounded like a Kyoto accent._

"_You shouldn't do that." _

_My eyes widened at the sudden presence as I heard the voice. I spun around to see who would dare to disturb my moment of solitude._

_All I could see by then… or rather, focus on, were those deep maple eyes. They fit so well with that smile plastered across her face and her flowing chestnut hair. I immediately recognized who it was, I'd know that girl from anywhere… but I couldn't remember her name nor did care to learn what it was. All I knew that she was the most popular girl around here. She even had her own little fanclub. It made me sick.  
_

"_Why not?" I countered, the annoyance could be heard in my tone. I could tell from that smile on her face as it widened slightly. How did I know? I had no clue how I knew, but I just…knew._

"_Flowers are meant to be loved…because they do their best to blossom for the duration of their short life…" The maple eyed girl answered, that smile still plastered across her face. I wanted to smack it off, really. I did…but I resisted. _

'_**True… wait what the hell am I thinking? Get away, Natsuki. Get away before her…cheerful disposition sucks you in! RUN!'**_

_Battling with my thoughts that were practically screaming at me, I then simply stated in a gruff tone, "Yeah, whatever."_

_I turned and started to leave, expecting the other's presence to fade away. Apparently, it didn't. Instead it grew. That girl was following me! What did she want…_

"_Besides… Kuga-san, wasn't it? Anyway, Shouldn't you be back in class by now? Break time's over." Hearing the smooth Kyoto accent again, I grumbled and turned to face her again. To my surprise, her gentle smile that previously was on her face had evolved into a teasing smirk. _

'_**Huh… what the hell… why do I… feel… ARGH! NO! GET AWAY!'**_

_Desperately wanting to be alone and despite the light blush somehow sneaking it's way across my face, I uttered my farewell and a 'leave-me-alone' glare was shown as I fled._

_--End flashback--_

Ever since that day, she was pretty persistent. Day after day, well… whichever day I'd come to school, no matter what, that girl will see me and attempt to greet me. My escapes were always futile. It was like she had eyes on the back of her head, knowing where I was and how to approach me without me seeing her first. It was quite annoying.

But…somehow over the times, I became used to it. Different feelings had awoken inside me, gradually satisfying my crying soul. My ice barriers were slowly being broken down piece by piece. She was the only person I ever became close to, before I met those two crazy kids, who were also HiMEs.

Ever since I found out that I was a HiME, I had been using her laptop from time to time to search for certain information about the First District, then she'd come in and find me on her laptop and give me the most gentle smile that I've became fond of.

And now here I am, in the very same room I'd always meet with her after school. I'm staring through the window at the blue sky, slowly darkening to a soft hue of sunset. Aside from the thoughts about First District, the HiMEs… and my mother, all I could think about was her and the day I met her. Without my acknowledgement, a soft smile crept across my face. My hands were idly fiddling with the fabric of the curtains in the student council office, my emerald eyes fixated on the sunset sky.

_It's getting late… where the hell is sh--_

"Ara, how long has Natsuki been waiting for me?"

Instead of being startled by the sudden voice, my soul swooned to the Kyoto accent that I adored. I spun around to face her, my gaze locking upon the calm expression plastered on her face. My heart suddenly warmed to the sight of her, not the 'reserved-for-fan girl-smile', but her warm smile that was only reserved for _me_. No one else.

"Shizuru… Where have you been? It's getting late, you know." I simply replied, hiding the obvious, not wanting to be teased once again. I sure did have enough of those moments lately anyway.

"I apologize. Haruka-san needed to speak to me about certain subjects relating to the student council meeting." My heart skipped a beat as she laced her hands together behind her and strode towards me gracefully. She didn't even have to put effort in her movements. That was just the way she was. Then my heart stopped. Due to the sight of that smirk, that teasing smirk tugging at the corners of her lips.

_Oi… what is she up to now? Better keep my guard up…_Even though I knew my best to keep my guard up whenever that smirk appears on her face, she STILL surprises me. Always. I hated it…but at the same time, it was one of those little things that I absolutely treasured about her.

"Something on your mind? You sure did look like you were spacing out for a moment there…"

"…How long have you been standing at that door?"

"Oh, long enough. Just enough to notice that incredibly adorable look on your face when you're thinking." With that, a soft giggle was issued from her throat.

"S-Shizuru!" I could feel the heat growing in my cheeks.

_She was watching me…argh. Curse you, you sneaky Kyoto wom--_

"Ara! Natsuki is SO cute when she scowls!" Her hands were revealed as she brought them up to clasp them together in front of her like an amused teenager.

"SHIZURU!" I crossed my arms across my chest and tersely adverted my gaze off to the side with my cheeks puffed out like a little child. I knew my cheeks were probably blazing red by now, according to the unbearable heat I felt within my cheeks. I could hear the mirth practically bubbling within her giggles agitating me further more, but in the meanwhile, they were sweet music to my ears.

Shortly after, I could hear the chair behind her desk being dragged across the hard floor then a soft 'thump' as she sat down in it. I kept my gaze off to the side. Remembering my thoughts from earlier, I had an urge to ask her about one thing. I wanted to know her opinion.

"Shizuru…"

"Yes, Natsuki?"

I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes, seeing if that teasing smirk was still there just to be safe. Luckily, it wasn't so I could ask my question easier. Turning my full attention to her, only a soft smile was seen on her bright face as she awaited my reply.

"Umm… Err, well ok… Before you came here, I've been thinking… about my past. Everything. About what my thoughts and opinions were back then. One thing came to my mind… perfection. Um, back then… I didn't really like that word… because I wasn't that way. I still don't like it, thanks to people who act like they're perfect… Uh, what I mean… what is your opinion on perfection?"

Her right eyebrow raised slightly at my question, I could tell that she was somewhat surprised to hear me say such thing. After all I wasn't the one to express my thoughts quite often.

"Well…" She got up from the chair, pushing the paperwork she had been holding in her hands, off to the side. She advanced towards me then over to the window, standing next to me. My eyes were fixated on her the entire time, I could tell she was thinking about it… thinking about her opinion and how to answer due to the glaze glinting in her deep maple hues. The descending sun gave them a some kind of glow as she gazed out the window at the sunset sky.

"…Perfection isn't a word I would use to describe people generally. Only rather for objects, such as crystals. However, if we were to apply 'perfection' to a certain someone, I think you'd have to be in love with that person. Because, if he or she is perfect in your eyes, then it would tell you that he or she has everything you want in a person. Even if you don't realize it or deny the fact."

…_You took the words right out of my mind, Shizuru. _I listened to her intently, a soft smile tugging at my lips. I was amazed at the fact she had the exactly same thoughts as I did. My thoughts then died as I heard a soft chuckle out of the older girl.

"You know, I've heard many students mention around here, that I'm perfect. I wish they could see it the way I do. Because I'm not. Not even one bit…" My eyebrows furrowed as I noticed the slight hint of sadness pass by in her orbs. Suddenly, it hit me, I knew what she was referring to. The HiME carnival. When she was affected by the Obsidian Lord and became awry with desire to protect me. She had confessed her love to me by then, not in so many words, but I knew what she meant. She had taken so many lives with her own hands and her naginata, most of the poor souls worked for the First District. The organization I was opposed to. She even destroyed Yukino and Nao's Childs… just to protect me. After the carnival ended, thanks to Mai and her unwavering courage and belief in the right of our free will, Shizuru had realized what she had done and apologized non-stop. I could tell she was torn apart by it. I even saw her cry. It was the second time I've ever saw her vulnerable side since the first time I saw her cry during the carnival. I knew the fault of the massacre wasn't hers. It was the Obsidian Lord's and the HiME Star's fault. But despite all that, she still _loved _me.

She hung her head slightly, to hide the gleam of sadness from me then put on a gentle smile as she looked back at me.

_There she goes again…Masking her vulnerability behind that perfect Kyoto-ben demeanor… I envy you, Shizuru. I envy your strength._

"It's getting late. We should go. Oh I know, why don't we go out and grab something to eat?" She asked me, her deep maple eyes now changing to a brighter hue of redness.

_They may say you're perfect and you may disagree with them…_

"Sure. I'd like to, Shizuru." I reply, smiling. I then turn to head towards the door. Allowing her some time to gather up her paperwork and put them away.

_And your words of disagreement may betray your mask of perfection…_

I turned half way at the door to watch her gracefully gathering up the paperwork and slipping them in a folder. Soft sounds of a drawer being opened fade out from my hearing as my mind drowns in my thoughts.

_But, you Shizuru… Fujino Shizuru…to me…_

Her next comment yanked me out of my reverie and out of my world as I brought my eyes up to meet now ruby-tinted ones in perfect alignment.

"What do you feel like eating, Natsuki?"

"Hmmm… oh, how about fri--"

"And please, nothing fried or greasy. You know my stomach doesn't bide well with those… yucky food." She interjected, obviously knowing what my answer would be. A small smirk followed by a soft giggle emerged from her lips as I pouted.

"Ok fine. Sushi then?"

"Hehe, I was hoping you'd say that." With that, she picked up her purse from under the desk and headed towards me. I had to leave the room first so she could lock the door behind her. Soft and prolonged echoes of our conversation and our footsteps rang through the empty hallways. The soft ember-like rays of the descending sun coated the trees as the orange orb began to fall down past the horizon. One final and true thought lingered in my mind, signaling my unrequited love.

_To me, in my eyes…you ARE perfect._


	2. Solace

_And heeere's chapter two to "Perfection" ... I just thought I'd make another chapter and extend this fanfic a bit more. But this one, of course, is in Shizuru's POV. As for my other fic "Fallen Angel" ... I'm sorry to say, but the next chapter will take longer than expected to be updated. I just started over on it since I didnt like the first one I wrote, but right now I'm really hating writer's block. T.T Hopefully I'll be able to finish it as soon as possible. _

_ Replies to reviews on "Perfection"  
**FujinoShizuru: **Yay! Another fellow Shizuru fan. Heh :) Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hope you'll like this one too._

_**AshwolfX: **:Chuckles: Actually, you might get your wish granted soon in chapter 3 or any futher chapters. We'll see._

_**Sayosi: **Ah! I just realized my mistake after re-reading it... but thank you for reminding me though. I'll need to get on that. Sigh that's my second mistake ever since the first one I made on my other fic. ;.; I will have to watch Mai HiME/Otome again, heh. And yes, I agree with you... 'orbs' are kinda cheesy. Fortunately, I wont be using that anymore in my upcoming works._

_** Dark Elena: **That's understandable. I was the same way with Love Hina... always finding every mistake in Love Hina fics, unfortunately I never had the chance to tell the author... ah hell, I'm too nice anyway. XD; And thank you!_

_**Hoppy-Chan: **Well, when I came across the word 'unrequited'.. my first thought was 'unanswered' as in Natsuki hasnt admitted it.. but ehh. Now you mention it.. it does seem out of place a bit. Oh well. I'll have to fix that sometime. hm. However, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Btw, I think I know you from the site shoujoai dot com. Your username is Naolin there, isnt it? Dont know if you've seen me around there before, but my user name there is Fujino Shizuru_

**Solace**

"_N-natsuki… I'm s-so sorry…" A choked sob escaped my throat. My chest felt so heavy…from pain and regret._

"Shizuru."

_I plunged deeper into the darkness. Frantically trying to escape this feeling called pain. Something. Or someone was chasing me. I could hear the running footsteps behind me. At times, it would sound like a person running but the metallic sounds screeching behind it made it sound like something that was definitely not human._

"Shizuru..!!" the calling voice became more urgent and worried.

_I knew it couldn't be my Kiyohime. I'm not a HiME anymore so he's gone. Forever. The footsteps behind me are starting to push me to the edge of being terrified to the extreme… and those metallic sounds. They became louder and louder with each step I took. _

"_Natsuki… Please…Let me say my goodbye… I-I don't want to hurt you anymore! I don't! I don't deserve such a gentle friend like you! NOT AFTER WHAT I DID TO YOU THAT NIGHT! How could you not hate me for that!?" I cry out to the darkness, to whoever was chasing me assuming it was Natsuki._

"Natsuki… I'm so sorry…" those words were mumbled through my lips but my eyes remained shut. My lips could taste something wet and salty. It was my tears, they leaked out from my sleeping eyes. My soul desperately tried to escape the dream world, but the attempts were futile.

"Shizuru, please! Wake up!!"

_I can see it. My ticket out of this…dark oblivion. My own hell that I brought upon myself. Where I am constantly detained by chains of regret, only to be hidden behind a fake smile. A mask of perfection. A mask which yearns to fall apart to reveal my true side. My true feelings. I come nearer to the escape, the only escape in this looming darkness…My hand reaches out to grab the doorknob. I had thought I made it…but I failed. My hand missed the doorknob and grasped at nothing but air as I fell to the ground. Something cold and metallic fastened around my ankle and dragged me back down further in the darkness. A dim light broke out from the dark, blinding my eyes momentarily._

"_You're such a coward," A voice suddenly emerged from somewhere within the darkness, "Why don't you just express your true pain to her already? I'm sick of seeing you like this. It's hurting me too, you know."_

"_W-who's there!?" I cry out, my voice hoarse from being consumed by fear caused by the chase I had instigated._

"_Ara, ara… don't you even realize your own voice? Tsk. Oh of course, you've been too occupied with that girl and hiding your pain, heh…" The amusement could practically be heard within that sentence. It was infuriating to me since I couldn't seen the owner of the damn voice… 'wait a minute… did it just say…' My eyes widen from shock. I couldn't believe my own eyes. I'm staring right at … me? _

_The person with the annoying voice stepped in the spotlight of the dim light. Locks of chestnut hair was flung back then the hand fell back behind her to intertwine with the other hand behind the person's back. Red eyes met with my own. My own eyes…meeting my own?? 'What the hell is going on.'_

"_Heehee! I never thought I looked so adorable when I'm bewildered. Beats that smile you always put on," the clone of me smirked smugly. I only could glare and grit my teeth, 'Seriously, this is me…? She's annoying.'_

"_Aww. We all have our annoying sides," obviously the clone knew what I was saying in my mind, after all she's…me. The fact that I'm staring right at me is still disturbing. Realization then hits me like a ton of bricks crashing upon my head, 'if this person is me… then this thing around my ankle must be…' My eyes wander down to my ankle to find something red and silver with specks of gold wrapped around my ankle, it seemed to be stretched out like a whip but only with some sort of spikes. It was my naginata._

"_Whoops. Time's up. Farewell!" I jerk my head up towards the clone of me, wondering what she meant by that. I wondered if I was going to die and fear swept over my body. The clone of me stepped back within the darkness, a sinister smile was seen plastered across her face…then everything started to shake. My vision. The dim light. The ground. They shook violently and my eyelids felt heavy all of sudden. Whatever was in my vision immediately faded to black._

"Please!! Wake up!! You're scaring me!!" A familiar voice cried out, echoing in my ears. Finally capable of fleeing the dream world, my eyes flutter open only to take in the sight of emerald eyes filled with worry, staring into mine.

"Na...tsuki…?"

"Oi, Shizuru… that must have been some nightmare…I heard you crying, I thought something was happening to you." I hear a deep sigh from her but it sounded as if she was relieved that I'm fine.

'_Ara…Natsuki is so gentle…' _Tears threatened to spill from my eyes but I refused to allow them. Ever since the HiME carnival, every single day, a thought would come to my mind no matter what. The thought regarded the situation between Natsuki and I during the HiME Carnival. I always wondered why she still liked me…even after I violated her that night, after I took her innocence away. If I were in her position, I would loathe me for doing that. But then again, it was said to be the Obsidian Lord's fault for my being becoming awry that night. After all, I did cry in front of Natsuki. Before that, I never dared to cry in front of her but on that night, I couldn't help it. It was like I couldn't control myself and someone else had control over my feelings.

'_But still…why does my heart hold this regret and pain? Why…'_

"Do you want some tea? I'll make some…" her gentle voice yanked me out of my thoughts. A small smile tugged at my lips as I gazed into her beautiful emerald eyes. I then realized that she was in her Pjs. I remembered last night, we had gone to eat sushi as planned and she ended up staying at my place. She had complained of tremendous fatigue and I insisted that she should stay at my place overnight.

However, there was something strange about her I had noticed yesterday. When I returned to the student council office after attending a meeting with the principal and other members about the resignation of our positions. We had to vote and discuss on who should take our place since half of the council including I were going to graduate this year. When I opened the door, I'd find her in the very same spot that I'd always find her…by the window, gazing out of it at the sky or whatever had seemed to captured her interest. She was in deep thought, I could tell from the glaze in her eyes. Then she asked out of the blue, an intriguing question. I thought it was a bit strange at first, but I started to wonder about what she'd be thinking about all those times in that very room when I was gone. This showed me that my Natsuki could be very considerate and interesting, despite her lone wolf demeanor. One of her traits which made me fall more in love with her. She wanted my opinion on what perfection was. My answer seemed to surprise her slightly, I had noticed that gleam in her eyes and her eyebrows raising up slightly then the small smile appearing across her face.

And now here I was, laying in my bed and gazing into her emerald eyes. I wanted to kiss her, to feel those soft lips on my own and her hands roaming wherever they pleased on my body…but then the regret in my heart would resurface, reminding me of my crime I had done during the HiME carnival, making bile churn in my stomach. Before the carnival, I would let my hands wander around her body just to grab her and embrace her within my arms. Nowadays, every time I reached out to touch her hair or to brush my fingers against her cheek, I would feel the pang of pain stab at my heart causing me to stop halfway and retract my hand back to myself. Tears yearned to fall from my eyes, but I didn't allow them. Instead, I hid it all behind a smile while my heart drowned in them. Like always. I wonder if she had noticed the difference in my actions ever since then… not that I want her to, I'd rather for her not to anyway. While my mind and soul persuaded me to hug her, my heart screamed at me not to. When my desire for her starts to rise, the regret slides into the scene just to suffocate it till it surrendered and fell back within the depths of oblivion.

I shifted my weight around to sit up and gave Natsuki a small smile of gratitude, "No, thank you… but you could always sleep here with me," my small smile then evolved into an impish grin as I watched her face turn red from 0 to 2 seconds. A giggle was issued from throat.

"S…shizuru…"

To my surprise, her tone was soft…the opposite of what I expected it to be. There was something different I saw in her eyes. Not embarrassment. More like tenderness. I was even more surprised when she crawled under the blanket with me and curled up against my body. Her arm slithered it's way around my waist and gave it a soft tug as she pulled me to her. I could not help but blush at the action. A flicker of disbelief and joy flashed by then faded within my eyes.

For the first time in a long time since the carnival, aside all the regret and pain gnawing at me, I feared that whenever I touched her, I would feel my heart nearing the edge just to crumble down to pieces. This time, it was different. It was something I did not expect to happen. The second her arm wrapped around my slender frame and her body's warmth radiating from her to my own body, a comforting sensation rushed through my soul and washed away every feeling that did not belong to this moment. I realized that this was what I've been longing for, even though I did not realize it… it was a moment of solace. Something I really needed right now. A satisfied smile danced across my lips. I laid back down next to her and snuggled up to my blue haired beauty.

Next to me, Natsuki was already fast asleep and a small amount of drool leaking from the corner of her mouth. That sight caused me to giggle once more on this night. It wasn't long before my eyelids grew heavy and finally surrendered to the restraints of slumber. Our bodies became one as we basked in the glow from the moon leaking through the window into my room.

'_Yes…this was what I needed after all…one simple touch from her to feel solace.' _However, the pain and regret did not fade away. They were merely pushed to the bottom of my heart, waiting for their chance to lurk out once again. Tonight, I did not care. Natsuki was holding me…and that mattered more than anything else in the world to me at that very moment.


	3. An Answer

_Bleh, sorry if this chapter seems shorter than others. But I was satisfied with how this one came out...Sort of. I may replace it with another chapter or add more, if I'm able to come up with more good ideas. I hope you all will be satisfied with it too. Chapter four might take long to be updated...so please be patient with me.  
_

_ **Hoppy-Chan: **Of course, there'll be more chapters coming up! I'm thinking of what to write for the fourth chapter right now.. so you can keep expecting more to come. :)_

_**Sayosi: **Haha, that's alright. Thank you for reviewing anyway, and I'm glad you enjoyed the second chapter. Yes, Shizuru is indeed fun. X3 Once again, thanks, for reminding me to enable the anonymous reviews. I forgot all about that._

_**hii dollface: **hehe, thanks. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well.. It was hard for me to come up with an idea for this chapter, let alone coming up with a title for it._

_**Nail: **Thank you for reading. :)__**  
**_

**An answer**

'_She scared the hell out of me. She really did. I thought something or someone was attacking her…'_

My emerald eyes wander over her sun-kissed face, neck and down her slender form…Realizing what I'm doing, my face turns completely red as I dart my eyes back to her sleeping face.

'_She looks so serene…I'm just glad she's not crying like last night…'_

Fresh memories of the previous night repeated in my mind. I was asleep on Shizuru's couch in the living room. Usually, it would take a lot to wake me up…only a cannon could wake me up. But her crying woke me up.

'_I cant explain it… My slumber…my dreams were disrupted. A bad feeling was nagging at me. Then I heard it. Soft cries growing to violent sobbing…I realized it was Shizuru that I was hearing.'_

As I heard her cries, I became worried sick immediately. And enraged. I was about ready to beat the daylights out of whoever or what was hurting her, or so I thought. I ran into her bedroom without hesitation, I was somewhat relieved when I found that nobody or nothing was in her room. However, I saw her in her bed with tears streaming down her cheeks. My heart felt like a heavy weight was being beaten into it. My attempts at waking her up at first were useless, she wouldn't wake up. So, I summoned up as much courage and kept yelling her name and shook her shoulders till she finally woke up.

'_But…why was she saying that…?'_

Not forgetting what Shizuru was uttering in her sleep, my eyebrows then furrow in wonder as I stare at her face…I whisper softly, "Why were you apologizing to me…?" I fall silent and my breath hitches when the sleeping woman stirs slightly but remains asleep.

After I managed to wake her up last night, I didn't know what to say except just to look at her with concern. My mind fumbled with words, thinking of what to say. Inwardly kicking myself by then, I asked her if she wanted some tea and I even offered that I would make some.

'_Nice one, Natsuki… couldn't you get any more idiotic?' _

But she didn't seem to mind. She merely smiled at me and dried away her tears…then she had to put that infuriating _teasing smirk_ on her face! Heat broke up and welled up in my cheeks, my face turned red when she made an offer that I sleep with her.

'…_Even so, I did want to sleep with her…I was afraid to leave her alone again.' _

So I crawled under her covers and pulled her to me. Not minding the look of surprise on her face, I could feel tranquility sweep through my body, as it is right now on her sleeping face. I woke up earlier than usual this morning, because I could not help my concern for my chestnut haired best friend. Now I'm sitting here, in this chair and watching her sleep. I don't think I could feel any more grateful than I do right now to see her in a such serene state.

'_So, could it be true after all…? I do…feel the same way as she does about me?' _

A smile was bestowed upon my face, I did not dare to deny it. I'm tired of running away. This feeling, it does terrify me. But at the same time, it's quite…comforting. It terrified me because it was something new. An emotion I have never experienced before. Before I met her, that is. Every time she enters the room with a breath-taking smile across her face, my heart skips a beat. Every time she is near me, excitement seethes within my soul. Every time I feel her arms around my waist, pulling me close to her so she could hug me and every time I feel her lips on my cheek, my knees become weak and wobbly like gelatin…but like always, I hid my fondness towards her little actions and then I would become terrified all of sudden. Afraid of letting her get too close to me. I would leap away from her arms or push them away. She would get that hurt look on her face, causing guilt to jab at my heart. She would go and hide it behind a smile so quickly afterwards, thinking I wouldn't see it. But I saw it. I wanted to reach out, take her hand and reassure her that I do enjoy her hugs very much. However, my fear of my being hurting her held me back every time.

It amazes me. It amazes me how strong Shizuru is. She's like a woman of steel. She would never let anything get to her or hold her down each time she falls.

'_It doesn't matter how many times you've fallen…you'll never give up. Isn't that right, Shizuru…?' _

Too entranced by her sleeping face, I did not notice that she had woke up no longer than a minute ago. It was her melodic voice that yanked me out of my trance.

"Ara, ara…I never knew my Natsuki was into voyeurism. You're lucky it's only me because it's a crime, you know." A giggle was then heard.

My face becomes pale within seconds, feeling like all the blood has been drained from my face, my eyes widen and my jaw drops.

"S…s-s-s-SHIZURU!" I finally manage to stutter out and scowl as I cross my arms across my chest, looking away to the side. My face was now blazing red, "…Wait a minute, you weren't naked… so how could I be committing voyeurism?" I loft my brow and peer at her from the corner of my eyes. I see it again, that damned impish grin.

"Yes, but I was having such a _good_ dream…Who knows, I might've been doing something under the covers to satisfy myself!" With that, she gave me a playful wink.

"ARGH! SHIZURU!" If it was possible, my head would explode right now from blushing so madly. I get up and storm off towards the door, growling. Her giggling only agitated me further more.

Pausing at the doorway, I exhaled deeply and spoke back to her with certainty in my voice, "I was worried about you. I was worried that you'd end up having another nightmare…" I then disappear through the doorway and in the living room. In the other room, I could tell that Shizuru was surprised, according to her giggling abruptly stopping to grant silence's entrance.

I plop down on my couch and cross my arms across my chest, staring at the TV screen. Thoughts of my true feelings for her and questions about it lingered within my mind, desperately searching for the right answers…only to end up echoing one true answer in my head.

'…_I love her.' _


	4. Memory

_OKAY! Here's my fourth chapter... I know, it took me long enough. I apologize for the long wait. I've been quite busy lately and I keep having writer's block every time I attempt to start writing a new chapter. Blah. _

_**Hoppy-Chan: **Haha. I'm glad I was able to make you squeal with joy. :P Hopefully this chapter will satisfy you as well._

_**DarkElena: **At first, I was thinking of putting down something different.. but seeing how my readers were satisfied with the last line, I'm glad I decided to go with that. x3 _

_**Sayosi: **Well, Shizuru is a woman of talents... so I wouldnt be surprised if she was capable of dreaming and doing that at the same time, seeing that the source of her self-satisfying is Natsuki. XP Yes, Natsuki in severe denial can get tiring._

_**yohdawn: **::Squeel:: Another reader! Yay. . Hope you enjoy this chapter. _

**Memory**

After a night of unexpected twists, a glorious morning of my daily teasing torture followed suit. I swear, I will never get tired of Natsuki's blushing face. She's just SO adorable.

::Ring ring ring::

'…_Unfortunately, this might be my last time I'll ever get to see her blushing face.' _

A pained sigh echoed through out my apartment without a care, as if there was no one else around. There wasn't anyway. Natsuki had left no longer than a hour ago after taking a shower in my bathroom. MY bathroom… oh ho, only if I could've snuck a peek at her lovely figure. Too bad she chose to lock the door. A clever girl, she is.

::Ring ring ring::

Again, I thought to myself, that it would probably be the last time. Remembering back to what had happened earlier this morning before Natsuki left, a wry smile found itself claiming it's place across my lips.

_**--Flashback--**_

"_ARGH! SHIZURU!" my emerald-eyed princess shouted out with a tomato face, causing my impish grin to grow wider._

_My stomach couldn't stand it anymore as the muscles went into a spasm. Uncontrollable giggles finally broke out and rang into my own ears, drowning the sounds of stomping footsteps belonging to Natsuki starting from my favorite chair only to end a moment later. What she said next had me falling silent and staring at the now vacant doorway dumbfounded. _

'_**So she heard me…was I talking in my sleep? Natsuki… I… No. I can't let you get too close to me again… I'd most likely end up hurting you again. I wont allow that.'**_

_By then, I made a decision. I picked up the telephone off my nightstand and dialed a number. It didn't take long for the person I was calling to answer. I knew he'd be awake already, after all he's the president of the family's Corporation, which means he has to get up earlier than the time I get up for school. _

"_Hello?" the deep voice on the other end of the line warmed my heart in a way. It had been a while since the last time I spoke to him. _

"_Father. It's me. Can I take up some of your time to speak with you about something?" Right to the point. I didn't want Natsuki to walk in and hear what I'm going to say. Although, knowing Natsuki, she probably went back to sleep on the couch so I didn't have to worry… for now. _

"_Ah, Shizuru! It's nice to hear from you, sweetheart. Of course, I have time for my daughter. What is it that you need to speak about?" the joy was evident in my father's upbeat tone, I could tell that he was glad to hear from me as well. _

"_My room at the Fujino Residence in Kyoto… is it still my room?" Pang of pain struck my heart as my subconscious was screaming at me not to leave._

"_Is this your way of telling me you want to come back home?" Ah, typical of father. Always answering questions with a question. Three guesses where I get my traits from._

"_Yes. I have decided to attend that University back in Kyoto." I had spoke of this with father before, he suggested I attend one of the most popular University back in Kyoto but I had declined. This happened before the HiME Carnival, of course. After the carnival, I didn't think I'd be able to handle knowing I'm in the same state as Natsuki without my thoughts wandering off to her while I'm working in college. _

"_Excellent! I'm glad you came to make this decision, Shizuru. Hm? Pardon me for a minute," A long pause, "Princess, I have to go. Duty calls. Give me a call later on so we can discuss about this further more. Love you." I bid my farewell to him as well and hung up after he did._

_A sense of regret swept over me. Even though my heart already holds a tremendous amount of regret. However, this was for a different reason. Leaving Natsuki._

'_**But I cannot keep hurting her.' **_

_With that thought lingering within my mind, I flung the blankets off me with my foot and dragged myself out of bed. Not wasting a moment of my time, I headed straight to the bathroom to take a shower. Unknown to me, in the other room, Natsuki is awake and in deep thought._

_**--End of flashback--** _

::RING RING RING::

The source of the ringing became louder as I neared it and snatched the receiver out of annoyance. Upon realizing it'd be useless to ignore the phone since someone seems persistent to speak to me, I had placed the knife I was using to cut up green onions on the cutting board and stalked towards the phone, gritting my teeth.

'_I didn't really want to talk to anyone right now except for my father…'_

"Hello. Shizuru speaking," Refraining from snapping at whoever intended to call me at a bad timing, I managed a nonchalant tone as I answered the phone.

"Hey, Shizuru… umm, are you busy?" the voice on the other end of the line made my heart skip a beat.

'…_and Natsuki.'_

I could not help but allow a soft smile creep across my lips, "Mm, maybe I am. I could be lounging on the couch right now and watching a dirty movie, you'd never know."

"Shizuru!" I could hear my precious one practically blushing when she cried out my name. As if that's possible. Although, with Natsuki… it could be.

"Just kidding. Now, how come you're calling me… missing me much already? Hehe."

A sigh of defeat could be heard on the other end, "Umm… yes… ah! What I mean… ok look, I called to get something off my chest."

'_Please… please don't tell me, Natsuki… not now…'_

Inwardly, I begged to the Gods above that Natsuki's reason of calling wouldn't have anything to do with confessing her love. Even though, I'd be in pure bliss to hear that… I knew, or at least thought Natsuki would never do that anyway. However, it was just too late. She doesn't deserve me. Not after how I repaid my gratitude for having her by my side in my own little sick and twisted way that night. It was just wrong.

"Shizuru?" the younger girl was worried, probably due to my being falling silent.

"Mm?" I managed to make a small sound in the back of my throat, letting her know I'm still here.

"Actually… tell you what, meet me at the place where we first met." This surprised me, yet frightened me at the same time. I could not help but wonder if she was going to confess or say goodbye.

'_Ah, why not. It wouldn't hurt to see her one last time before I…' _

"Ara, this is starting to sound romantic. Is Natsuki going to pop the question? Fufu, after all these years… I never thought this day would come!" Ending that with a dreamy sigh and a fair shade of blush tainting my cheeks, I was mischievously smirking at the same time. Though, it was only to cover up my true pain… you could say this teasing of mine has turned into a bad habit for me.

"Wuh… pop the question…? AH! NO! That's not what I meant! AGH! Just meet me there in a half hour!" Before I could even throw in another remark, the other end of the line went silent after an earsplitting slam of the receiver being hung up. I hung mine up as well a moment later.

Along the way back to my kitchen, I started to wonder about the possible outcomes of this meeting. Somehow, for some reason, I felt nausea churning in my stomach while at the same time, my subconscious was telling me I didn't have anything to worry about. It didn't take me long to clean up the kitchen and putting away the food I had started cutting up for my lunch, thanks to my deft traits of a true lady. After all, it was a priority of being a Kyoto-ben to have domestic streaks.

As I opened the door to my closet to pick out a casual outfit to wear, I saw my old Fuuka Academy uniform hanging all by itself at the far end of the closet. A small smile touched upon my lips and I traced a finger down the vest of my uniform, a memory came to my mind just then. The very memory of when I first set my eyes on that girl. She was in middle school by then, looking so adorable in that blue and white uniform. I must admit though, she sure did have a nice butt by then and still does.

'_Oh my. Now's not the time, Shizuru… you must get ready and go see what Natsuki wants to talk about.' _

Regaining my composure, I grabbed the first pair of jeans I find and shut the door behind me. I was quick to change in my long-sleeved burgundy shirt and flared jeans. This made me chuckle… the thought of me dressing up quickly so I could go and see Natsuki sooner. I was and will always be, indeed, a fool in love. Madly in love. A fool, why? Because I let my fear of hurting my precious one again push me down incessantly when I shouldn't worry about anything.

After I put my sneakers on, I headed out to the living room, grabbed my purse and car keys off the counter adjacent to the other in the kitchen. A soft thump was heard along with a vibration caused by something fairly heavy yet light enough to pick up as if it was paper. I took a quick glance down to see what it was. What I saw on the floor, made me smile yet again. It was a picture frame holding a picture of me with Natsuki. The picture was taken on Natsuki's fifteenth birthday. Wanting to take a closer look at the picture, I bent over to pick it up and took a longer look. Natsuki's face in the picture made me giggle. Apparently, she was blushing since I decided to be sly enough to glomp her and land a kiss on her cheek just before the picture was taken.

'_I'd be damned… I don't know… this seems to be a sign. I mean, first… the phone call from Natsuki regarding the meeting at our place where we first met then the uniform in my closet… now this…' _

I took all this as a sign. Both of these things, the uniform and the picture along with the phone call from Natsuki, all they brought was a memory. A precious memory of my happier days with Natsuki, before all the crap with the HiME Carnival killed my sanity for a day. Perhaps it was fate's way of telling me I should reconsider the option of moving to Kyoto and stay here with Natsuki. With that kept in mind, I placed the picture back on the counter and left my apartment.

Unlocking my Eclipse 2006, I then got in and started it up. I had forgotten all about the CD I left in the CD player last time I drove back home from school. The bass and lyrics of Evanescence's "Good Enough" begun playing and to my satisfaction, I left it on.

'**Under your spell again… can't say no to you. Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand. Can't say no to you…' **

My lips moved in rhythm as I sang along with the lyrics softly while I took a shortcut to Fuuka Academy.

'**Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly. Now I can't let go of this dream… I can't breathe but I feel…'**

Just when I pull up in the parking lot, I was surprised to find Natsuki's Ducati999 already there, parked in it's rightful place. Usually, Natsuki isn't the one to arrive at places at precise timing.

'_Must be eager to speak to me, I guess…'_

'**Drink up sweet decadence. I can't say no to you and I've completely lost myself and I don't mind. I can't say no to yo--'**

The song stopped abruptly as I shut the car off after I parked it next to Natsuki's beloved motorcycle. I took a moment to gaze at the blue surface and the silver lettering of the motorcycle's brand plastered on the side. Obviously this took me on another stroll down memory lane, my red eyes glazed over to a more brighter shade of ruby when I remember taking long rides with Natsuki on that bike. The wind blowing in my face and the roaring sounds of the motorcycle echoing in my ears… my arms encircled around Natsuki's slender frame, just holding onto her tight. I remember how I would rest my ear against her back and I could hear her heartbeat, lulling me into a tranquil state.

The memory didn't last long, for that when I looked away from the bike and looked up ahead, I saw a uniform-clad female with cobalt blue hair leaning against a tree in the garden. As per usual, her arms were crossed across her chest and her emerald eyes gazing off in the distance as if she was in deep thought. With a gentle smile, I left my purse on the backseat and stepped out. Not wanting to snap Natsuki out of her trance yet, I shut the door softly and snuck up around the tree behind her.

"A penny for your thoughts," I finally spoke in a soft tone after a moment of looming silence and stealing glances at the younger girl's adorable thinking face.

Surprisingly enough, Natsuki didn't jump. Instead, she stood her ground and kept looking at the horizon up ahead before turning to face me. The first words that came out of her mouth shocked me so badly. Badly enough for my mind to blank out, not giving me time to react to the sight of deep emerald hues staring into mine. I could tell that my face was pale, it felt like all the blood had been drained out due to the extreme shock devouring me.

"I love you, Shizuru."


	5. Fire

_Finally! Yes! I'm back! With the last chapter for this fic, that is. Buuuut, I MIGHT write a sequel to this one after I get my other fic over with. I'm not sure yet.  
_

_**WARNING: PG-13 content here. **  
_

_**yeyeo: **Who doesn't. Teehee. I'm glad you enjoyed it. _

_**Keiko-chan2000: **Thanks. It was hard to capture their personalities, but then I put myself in their place and started thinking of how they would feel/think in such situations._

_**Estrea: **Shizuru politely rejecting Natsuki... Blasphemy! Heh. Glad you enjoyed it. _

_**yohdawn: **Ah, another fan. I'm flattered::Grin:: _

**_Isaus: _**_You're welcome... I can relate to her as well. I used to be in love with someone like her with Natsuki. Which is one of the reasons why I decided to write this fic. _

_**Hoppy-chan: **Ne, no need to apologize. I don't mind. :) I need to work on my grammar some more anyway, bleh. Oh well. Yeah, no matter how elegant and proper our Shizuru might be, I see her as a regular teenager as well. It can't hurt to let our Shizuru curse to vent frustration, ne? ;D_

**Fire**

More. I wanted more.

_Today, before I confessed to her, I went home feeling numb and empty. She was leaving, because of me. I happened to overhear the conversation between her and her father. As soon I heard her say, "My room at the Fujino Residence in Kyoto…is it still my room?" I could feel my heart being slammed into an imaginary wall endlessly._

I wanted to hear more of her cries. Every whimper of pleasure and every moan that flees from those luscious lips, but none of them seems to satisfy my hunger for her.

_I was an idiot. For not even considering about the reason why she's acting this way. The reason why she's leaving. I was sleep-deprived today. I tried to take a nap, but couldn't. I kept tossing and turning in my bed, beating myself up mentally._

Nails of hers keeps raking across my back, knowing well they'd probably leave red marks. I didn't care. I just wanted her.

_I took her for granted. Or at least that's what I thought. Looking back to those six years I've been with her, she had done everything for me. What did I give in return? Just to use her laptop or push her away when she tries to be there for me. I'm the cause of her being snapping during the HiME Carnival and murdering those bastards of First District. _

I wanted to mark her. To make her mine. All mine and for her to mark me as well. Only her.

_So, I ended up calling her and requested that she meet me at the place where we first met. When she teased me over the phone, I certainly did blush like always… but I also smiled. It felt good knowing she still is willing to be close to me, in a sense. The last remark from her before slamming the receiver down made me want to tell her…_

All I could hear was my labored breathing and her lustful groans becoming more frantic as we reached the throes of ecstasy. This feeling by just touching her, holding her close and feeling her body's heat rising made my heart flutter. I then knew what love is.

…_To marry me. Good thing I bit down on my tongue before I could blurt it out. That'd be going too fast, but right now… my main priority was to keep her here. To reveal the truth of what I feel before she disappears from my life._

Love is not being able to stay away from her for more than half a day. Love means willing to take a thousand bullets for her. Love is a feeling, a comforting feeling that I never want to fade away when I'm with her. Love means wanting to see her smile, and only to smile… never crying.

_Without hesitation, I blurt out those three words to her as I turn to look at that lovely face. Those deep burgundy eyes which seems to make something spark within me. As expected, she stares at me in shock and unable to say anything. Though, her answer was unexpected…_

We're both tired and I fall into a heap on top of her. I'd move but I was afraid that if I did, I'd find it all to be nothing but a mere dream. Although, on the other hand, she didn't seem to mind either when she wrapped her arms around me and held me close.

_She tried to push me away. She turned, prepared to leave after telling it'd be the best if she lets me go. There was no way in hell I agreed. Somehow, we ended up getting into a fight. Not exactly the way I expected it to turn out. Apparently, she thought she was the one who was hurting me._

After listening to her heartbeats for a moment or so, I lifted my head up to look into her eyes and murmur my apologies between kisses from her collarbone to her lips. I apologized for taking her for granted. I apologized for pushing her away. I apologized for being too dense about my feelings.

_Nonetheless, in the end, I had pinned her against the trunk of the tree I was leaning against earlier and locked her in a kiss so passionate, spilling every single drop of my love for her into it. It was a kiss that could make an angel cry. There had been some struggle from the ex-kaichou before she returned the kiss with a renewed vigor all while holding me against her so tight, awakening every nerve in my body. I wanted it to last for eternity._

She silenced me by placing a finger over my lips and said, "Shut up and kiss me," and I gladly obliged.

_It didn't take us long to arrive at her place and strip each other of our clothes along the way to her bedroom and fell into our little world, away from reality. I shudder to think of what could've happened if I let her go… I could've been all alone. Even though I had Mai and Mikoto… but that wouldn't be enough. My feelings towards Mai and Mikoto and the ones towards Shizuru are completely different, I know that now. I needed someone to kiss my tears away. I needed someone to hold me and tell me everything will be alright. _

As our kiss ended, we lay in each other's arms in a comfortable silence, listening to one other's breathing and succumbed to slumber.

_It's only natural I feel that way about her. After all… she is the fire that melted my heart of ice. _


End file.
